Excerpt From Chapter 23: Negative Thought Patterns

   Before we dive into more techniques and ideas for getting back into YOU, let’s examine where you’re at now...

A   sk yourself a few seemingly easy questions... These might seem “simple” on the surface, but if you are truly HONEST with yourself, they might bring about some complex ANSWERS!

1. Do you frequently think about your previous partner? Do you wonder who they are with or what they are doing?

2. Do you find yourself talking maliciously about your previous partner to your child?

3. Do you wish that things were different and you had your previous partner back in you and your child’s life?

4. Do you play mental “movies” over and over again in your head about the past?

   If you answered “yes” to ANY of those questions, you are in a state of negative thought patterns... and much like a cancer; the negative thought patterns have many almost fatal symptoms...    Negative thought patterns affect your mood, your attitude and just about every facet of your like.

   These symptoms might be having trouble sleeping, not wanting to eat or no allowing yourself to feel good.

   You might not even allow yourself to ENJOY things that you enjoyed in the past as SELF-PUNISHMENT for things you COULD NOT CONTROL!

   And doesn’t it sound silly when it’s put into that perspective?

   I mean really, it’s just a slightly diluted version of self sabotage.

   So, how can you counteract those negative emotions and thoughts?

   The one thing to remember, and this should be your “inner mantra” if you are dealing with feelings of guilt, loss or depression:


   Once you accept things the way they are and realize that you can’t change people or past circumstances, you will open up a door to the freedom to begin the “self work” that will change your life forever!

   You MUST understand this to be able to move forward...

   And once you have accepted everything the way it is you can then begin the self-work to make you the best person you can be... You can start the journey of self-improvement that will create more opportunities, be able to quickly “size-up” situations and make the right choice for you and your family.

   Also, as a VERY IMPORTANT note, it’s the mature person who first accepts everything the way it is and THEN goes out to change it... We see this inversed so many times when people become “addicted to the struggle” or other pitfalls that affect us...

   But where do these negative thought patterns come from?

   What is so powerful that has shaped your view of the world?

   I want to take a look at “references”... or, to put it a different way, let’s look at the foundation of negative thoughts in order to give us the ability to rapidly overcome them...

   Making It About YOU!

   One of the biggest struggles that I have personally had is attaching meaning to things...

   And for literally YEARS I lived with the notion that the world was against me and that somehow or another all the BAD stuff happening to me was happening DIRECTLY to me...

   I made it all about ME...

   And like I mentioned I was one of the biggest offenders of this... If some didn’t like my car, it meant that they didn’t like me... If someone didn’t like my clothes, it meant that they didn’t like me... and if someone didn’t like my MUSIC, it meant that they didn’t like ME!

   And you know what the WORST thing about this was?

   The worst thing was that I JUSTIFIED it in my mind!

   My internal dialogue told me that because I identified SO MUCH with my music, clothes and car that if someone didn’t like any of those things that they didn’t like me...

   Of course, when I spell it out like that it seems sort of silly, huh?

   But I BOUGHT it... Hook, line and sinker...

   You can imagine that this isn’t a very fun place to be... In fact it’s discouraging...

   You might be asking yourself, why would I do something like this?

   Well, truth be told, I was seeking the approval of others... This then snowballed into how I felt about myself and ultimately affected my actions.

   So, take the examples that I listed above and notice that these are merely external things... Does my car, my clothes or my music have anything to do with me as a person?

   No, it doesn’t...

   But I CHOSE to make it about me.

   And even if you don’t struggle with this particular area, it’s in your best interest to absorb the following ideas because they are VITAL to your growth from a hurt and emotional being to becoming a Super Single Parent!

   How do you counteract this?

   There are a few things you can do.

   First off, and the easiest of these, is to remind yourself that it’s not about you... You only control what happens INSIDE of you and you have NO CONTROL over what happens OUTSIDE of you.

   I mentioned this before, but it’s definitely worth mentioning again.

   This seems on the surface like an easy concept, but it’s a VERY BIG one to grasp.

   When you make the connection that the external events that happen to you and what others think of you are out of your control, it opens up an entire new playing field.

   In other words, even if you WANTED to control them, you couldn’t.

   Secondly, treat the internal dialogue inside your head like a third person.

   Speak about yourself not in the first person sense (as in “I” or “my”), but use other language in your mind to anchor your thoughts.

   “Cliff likes green cars...”

   This is only a statement... I may or may NOT like green cars... But when it comes down to it the simple fact is very simple...

   Are you ready??

   Here it is:


   Okay, so the third way to counteract this is to remember that no one cares...

   And in a way I’m being blunt, but it’s really true...

   This doesn’t mean that they don’t care ABOUT you as a person... This doesn’t mean that people don’t respect you or care about your health and welfare...

   When it really boils down to it, the only thing people care about is themselves... And even if you have a child with someone and were at one time in a deep intimate relationship, you need to remember that it’s NOT about YOU!

   I also want to make it clear that this doesn’t mean everyone is selfish, nor does it mean that others aren’t going to do nice things or want to play a large role in your life.

   The challenge that is imperative to overcome is when you start making other people’s ideas, thoughts and words about YOU.

   Even if someone is yelling at you and telling you that you are a “no good bag of you know what”, they are probably suffering on the inside THEMSELVES and not able to logically deal with you at that moment.

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